You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
