Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
