He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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