Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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