I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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