You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
