I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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