Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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