wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
