I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
