Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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