My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I party with great urgency now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
