Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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