I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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