somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
