Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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