Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you never un-have a 4some
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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