and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
