As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
