I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
