You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
