I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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