it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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