What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
