Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
