so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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