this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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