just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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