Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
