Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
