The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
