...so i touched it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
