Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
