Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
