i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
