She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
