It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
