dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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