Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
