i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
