I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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