I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
