Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
