I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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