Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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