I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
