does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
