he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
