Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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