I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
