well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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